she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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