So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
