I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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