I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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