Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
