True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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