do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
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