They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
