When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
