Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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