so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
