is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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