I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Randomize
