My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We are two peas in an std pod
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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