I think my vagina is haunted
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
