you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
