My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Screwed.edu
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
