i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
