the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
