I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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