First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
