I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
