Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
