Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
