Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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