Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
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She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
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Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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