i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
