do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
