I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
