I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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