Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize