We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
