I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
