There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
