i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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