it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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