Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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