i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
