Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
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They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
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I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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