Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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