when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
