I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
