haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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