Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
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I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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