Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
