but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
