You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
