i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
