i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
