he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
