She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
