I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize