fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
