ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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