I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
