is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
