you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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