Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My cat gives me a boner
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
