dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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