Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
