she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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