I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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