So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Randomize
