like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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