I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
