i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
