Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
