I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
