just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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