I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
