i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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