hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
