It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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