Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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