so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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