I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
