it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Drunk is not a location!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
