i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
