I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
