I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
