Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
