I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
