i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
