She said her name was "party"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
