so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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